An Epiphany

I have no idea what I'm going to write in this blog post. I thought I would just wing it and write what ever comes to mind.
Here I am sitting at my pc waiting for chicken to defrost so I can have chicken and salad for lunch, which I have been eating non stop for the past 3 weeks and astonishingly haven't got sick of it yet. It is definitely directly responsible for me loosing 5kg is under 3 weeks so I guess that helps.
I am so incredibly proud of Bradley and my self for actually sticking to this diet, 500th time lucky I always say. We still have quite a ways to go so we can't get too complacent just yet.

I can honestly say I wasted the last 6 years of my life. Yes they were amazingly fun and yes I had a great time with only a few major hiccups along the way, which in compassion to some peoples lives seem so insignificantly trivial. I feel as though I grew a lot as a person and learned some extraordinarily valuable life lessons and met some truly amazing people with out whom I would I would either be sprinkled over Jim Morrison's grave site or have just spiraled down until I was a hollow shell of a girl. To those people I say thank you for keeping me sane.
In the years I spent worrying about boys, listening to way too much emo music and feeling sorry for myself, I really should have been thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.
I'm 24 and only this year have I finally figured out what I want to do. Having said that it wasn't until I started loosing weight that I actually found some scrap of motivation to do something. Even then the only thing I am motivated towards is loosing weight.
I mean I have a fantastic unit on photography that I'm doing at uni but getting motivated to actually sit down and do it is a hell of a lot harder than it should be and I hate myself for it. I could blame video games, tv, and facebook but really the only one at fault is myself.

I have lost my enthusiasm for things I was once enthralled with. I mean I still love it but haven't done anything about it for at least a year, I dare say that's due to living somewhere that I'm not entirely comfortable and not having my own space, but that being said I should be able to adapt.

This last year has been a complete roller coaster. Starting with loosing the best job I have ever had,  finding out I'm not good enough to be a professional piercer, finally freeing myself of  the most unhealthy relationship I have ever been in (no offence Tyler you're a great person), to starting my first truly healthy and happy relationship with someone I truly believe to be my soulmate.
I went from having my own little apartment where I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted, to living with my boyfriends parents and having my entire existence confined to 2 small rooms.

I know I need to change things in a big way but I feel like the're are so many things that keep holding me back, but I think now is as good a time as any. I have to stop giving my self excuses to not do things and take a deep breath and let go of all the negative thoughts I keep harboring and move on.

I am going to stop relying and concentrating on others and start doing things for myself.
It begins now!